Saturday, July 31, 2004

Wanted: Room mate - dead or alive (preferably alive)

Dead room mates tend to stink and when their bodies decompose it would be kinda creepy. You know, he's really getting his stink on one night really late and you're trying to sleep cause you've got work really early in the morning. You get out of bed, can't see a thing, step out into the hall, open his door and just about pass out (partially cause a decomposed dead guy in the middle of the night can scare just about anybody and partially cause of the stink) cause you have a rotting roomate there staring blankly at you when you tell him to use more deoderant or to go bury himself under a tree or something. So now you know why I would prefer a living roomate.

It looks like the chances of getting a spot at "the hizzle" are slim to none, and Andre is staying at his parents place, sooo now I need to find somebody, anybody else to cohabitate with for the next little while. Problem is that 1. they really should be living, or atleast after they've woken up 2. they have to be male (that whole living with chicks thing would be wrong and involve way to much drama, ugh!) 3. preferably somebody who is a Christian and loves the Lord (just makes things a bit easier that way, ya know?) 4. and finally somebody who has a decent job where they make decent money to help pay the bills. Oh yeah, and the problem is that it's not that easy to find a guy not to mention a couple of them that are like that. (it seems kind of strange that I'm looking for "the guy" or guys instead of "the girl"). Hmm, is God saying something?? LOL, don't think so.

I've got about a month left here at mi casa before my parents come back from the Hopi Rez and I really want to get out on my own now. Can't afford to do it solo, nor would I want to. It's more of an adventure to have good buddies along for the ride, problem is most of mine are either married, getting married, or are content with kickin it with their parents for a few more years.

God help! I know there've got to be a few good men out there who need a room mate. Help our paths to cross.

Thursday, July 29, 2004

A short story

As I was going trying to go to sleep last night this story played itself out in my head.  As with most things I'm sure since I waited till morning it won't be exactly as I originally saw it in my head, but oh well.

It was late, the sun was down and the weather had been unfavorablely hot and humid.  wield been holding the line for quite some time now.  We'ld had a few attacks, but we were entrenched deep and moving forward every day.  I'ld been out on the line for a while and was exhausted, my entire body ached.  Things seemed under control and it looked like there was going to be a lull in the fighting.  I decided take a break and read some letters from my brother Luke and a guy named Nate Swinton that have been faithfully holding the line much farther east of me for quite some time now.  I leaned up against the trench wall and out of no where comes this beautiful lady.  I was a bit surprised by this and a little cautious, but she seemed friendly enough.  We talked for a while and I unknowingly began to let my guard down.  She said that she could help me relax and was really good at helping to relieve pain and weariness.  She was a pretty lady and nice enough so I gave in and let her rub my back and try to ease my aches and pains.  As I turned my back to her I felt something sharp and cold enter my back.  It was a blade, long and slender and she pushed it till the hilt was against my back.  I felt the tip pierce my heart.  As I fell over and hit my head on the hot, dry ground I heard her mutter the words "another sucker, they fall for me every time".  I reached around my back with what little strength I could muster to try and pull the dagger from my back.  It was no use, there was something about this dagger.  It was draining me of strength and the will to fight.  I was at her will as long as I had that dagger in my back.  I lacked the strength or desire to pull it from me now, so I lay there caught somewhere in between sleep and awake, life and death.  Evil visions and wicked perversions floated through my mind.  Tears ran down my face as I helplessly lay bleeding in the trench.  I began to call out for help, crying out forGod, but my calls where nothing more than whispers that got lost in the wind.  She mocked me and my God, saying "He cannot save you now!  You are mine and are in my control!"  I saw her for what she truly was for the first time, a wolf in sheeps clothing, ugly and wretched with eyes that were as black as the abyss and a smell that reeked of sulfur.  Despite her efforts to utterly destroy me, I continued to call out to God, but now I couldn't mutter even a whisper.  I called from my mind, hoping and trusting that He would save me.  Time seemed to go on and on, I thought this was the end.  Then I saw Him!  My heart leaped with joy and my strength increased just at His sight.  He was running out in the open, eyes afire, hair blowing in the wind.  His speed was unmatched and His commanding presence brought fear even to me.  His sword was His word and with one mighty stroke He hew her in half.  Her remains spontaneously combusted and scorched the earth where they lay.  The ashes were picked up by the wind and tossed about carelessly. 

My Commander in Chief knelt down to me and picked me up.  As He carried me, I thought He was going to ask me what happened, but He didn't because He already knew.  Instead He told me who she was.  "Her name was Sinthia" He said.  "Her daughters and sisters have been a secret weapon used by the enemy with devastating  effects for a very long time.  I've lost many a mighty warrior to her kind, and had many others wounded."  I gasped when He told me that nearly 90% of his fighting men had fallen to her kind at one time or another.  Then He reminded me of a time long ago when He first pulled me out of sin and saved me.  He reminded me how He used my dad to test me and see if I was truly seeking Him or if it was just a child wanting to be like the others.  He then asked me if I still had a special Book, It was one that He gave me the day that I became his son.  This Book contained His words and had everything I needed to stand guard against the enemy.  It contained my armor, It was my Sword, It told me of all the strategies of the enemy and what to watch out for.  I told Him that I did indeed have the Book, but hadn't been reading and studying It like He said I should when He first gave It to me.  He encouraged me to read His word and said that this was the way to healing and to stay strong in the middle of the fighting. 

We approached a place I'ld been many times before.  It was  a hospital of sorts but with a different name.  He started called it church and it was a place of healing for wounded soldiers.  It was run by veteran soldiers who had fought many hard years, and by others who were gifted more in healing and comforting than in fighting.  I was layed on a gurney stomach down.  The Commander in Chief told the minister of health that I had been stabbed in the back with a knife full of lust.  The minister grimaced as the knife reminded him of a battle he had fought with a sister of Sinthia earlier in his life.  They prepared to pull the knife out, but gave me nothing, because there was no medicine that could help me deal with the pain.  Just as the minister of health was about to pull the blade from my back, my Father put His hand on mine to put me at ease and give me peace.  He then told the minister to proceed.  The blade came out as easily as it had gone in, but the wound was deep and a bit infected.  I asked my Father to forgive me for my sin and to change my heart and heal me from within.  He looked at me and smiled.  He said "I love you, I will never leave you nor forsake you.  You are mine, I bought you and I would pay that price all over again.  You my son are forgiven."  As He said these words tears began to run down my face, I fell at His feet in worship and adoration.  Strangely enough the wound in my back began to heal and to close up, but the scar was there and it was an ugly one.

The next day I went back out to hold the line with my head held high, my armor on, and the Sword in my hand and in my heart. 

Thank You Lord for Your never changing love that keeps us strong, picks us up when we fall, gives us advice when we need it and heals us when we're wounded.  Change my heart O God, make it ever true, change my heart O God, make me more like You.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Video of the week

This is one I got from my former employer Jeff Harb.  It's pretty funny.  Again you may have to type in the link, but it may work.  Who knows.


Tuesday, July 27, 2004


This past week has been something else.  Life is usually a lot like a roller coaster, or atleast mine is.  However as we all know, people are always designing new ones and trying to make them more extreme.  The past week seems to have been one of those weeks where my life was trying to take me on one of the most extreme rides yet.  Up and down, right then left, twisting and turning, getting inverted, going high and going low.  It's been a long week.  So much has happened.  Where to begin....

I think I'll begin by going to the bathroom, then coming back.  Now that I'm done with that....  I guess work is as good a place as any to start.  It's been hot and humid due to the monsoon moisture in the air.  Working in that open warehouse in 110 deg. heat and high humidity is miserable.  Especially when I'm wearing 2 shirts and leather/canvas bib to protect my arms and torso from the molten balls of metal that spark and fly up at me.  It kinda sucked not having any of my friends around.  Most were either in Ireland or at the highschool youth camp.  Even tues. night I found only one person I knew at The Living Room.  Friday I went over to "The Hizzle" (name my buddies gave the place were the 6 of them live) for food and fellowship.  Hanging out with all of them is always fun. 

 Saturday Andre and I went out to eat for lunch and ended up having a long conversation with this couple that was sharing a table with us.  Turns out they were Christians as well, and they both seemed really encouraged to meet us and talk about God and what He's doing in our lives.  Andre decided that he was going to stay with his folks for another year and a half instead of moving out and getting an apt. with me.  He's going to do the Vineyard Leadership Institute training that's going on at our church and won't be able to afford rent with the monthly cost of that as well.  I was bummed, but new that it was a wise decision and supported it wholeheartedly.  After that we went to the Kids Church Beach Party at Val Vista Lakes.  It was loads of fun.  I got to throw the kids up in the air, chase them around, get chased around, and they seemed to love it too.  I was a water jungle gym for them.  Party got crashed though by a really fast moving storm.  Everyone cleared out and by the time I left and was on the street, there were palm trees, light poles, and other trees laying in the street.  Cruising down the highway with an 1 1/2 of water on the road made for an interesting drive as well.  Ended up going to another party after that with Andre and Gabe.  Stayed there till nearly 12:30 and got a ride home from Mike.  Talked to him about if there are any free spaces at "The Hizzle" and whether or not one might be available to me at the end of Aug.  He said there should be and that he would talk with the other guys about it and pray about it.  Don't think it would be long term, just for a while.  I like have some space.

Sunday was great, but the second service kids seemed to be out of it.  It's like someone swapped personalities with the first and second service kids.  None the less we had a good time.  I bailed right afterwards so I could talk to Pastor Jack.  I told him about the 2 pics that Kim and Ron gave me then about the one that came to my head afterwards.  We talked for nearly an hour about it.  Something that I really picked up out of talking with him was that man's way typically is fast and happens when it' s convenient, but God's way happens a bit slower, and when He wants it too.  This requires patience.  I told him how being here made me feel and how I wanted to go back to the mission field and everything I said kept confiming what he had said earlier.  I've considered doing VLI, and am now set on doing it.  I've just got a new job which the Lord is blessing me at, and I'm going to be taking over one of the kid's church classes here in a month or so.  Right now it just seems that the Lord is going to use the next 2 yrs to teach me how the better use the tools that He's equipped me with.  It was nice to have my folks home for a few days as well. 

Monday went by looking for Tuesday, although I rented 50 First Dates and watched it with my family.  Pretty funny movie, a little crude, but worth watching.  I'm glad that tues. is finally here.  I really enjoy going to The Living Room and hanging out and listening to the various speakers.  The fellowship there is awesome. 

I'm going to go crash for a little bit.  Work wiped me out today.  I got dizzy a few times cause of the heat and maybe the fact that I was sweating more water than I could possibly drink.

Parable of the sower and the soils - What you do and say is a reflection of your heart.  Even if it's in jest.  What type of soil is in your heart?  Rock hard like the pathway?  Stoney like the untilled earth? Filled with the weeds of this life like the thorny ground?  Or is your heart soft and fertile ready for planting and perfect for an awesome harvest?

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Take comfort weary Sojourner

I have been praying a lot recently about work and life in general.  At work I'm always praying that God would help me to work harder, and do better.  That my welds and quality of work would improve and that He would give me favor in the eyes of my supervisors.  He has done that and so much more.  The quality of my work is improving, but I think I can still do better and have much more to learn.  My bosses are keeping me slammed with work everyday.  I'm always fabricating something new or making a full playground set or doing special orders or whatever they need done right away.  I've always operated on the premise that my job is on the line that way I work hard and try and stay humble (if I can say that without coming off proud).  My boss is a hard guy to figure out, but today he said some of the most encouraging words to me.  Basically he said that they were making some changes and I was their welder/fabricator and would be depended on heavily in the changes that are to come.  He said a lot of other encouraging stuff that really gave me a boost in self confidence at the work place.  God has now also possibly opened the door to return to Kenya with YWAM working on Lake Victoria ministering to the island folks.  We'll see how that pans out.  Right now I'm just trying to wait on the Lord and not rush into anything.  I keep seeing this picture in my mind that is sort of a blend between the two pictures I got sunday and something out of the movie "Twister", but here it is.  I see myself walking down a straight muddy road that has water on both sides of it.  I'm struggling with my cross that is over my shoulder much like was depicted in the movie "The Passion of the Christ".  I'm in the middle of a huge storm with rain and sleet, but worse than that there are 3 water spouts twisting all around me.  I trudge on head drooped, back burdened, just trying to make it.  Did I just eat some bad food?  Probably not, this picture has been in my head since I heard Kim and Ron tell me of the ones that they were seeing.  What does it mean? 
I take comfort under Your wings.  You are my strong tower and place of refuge, You are the reason that I sing.  I may be wounded, but I will not leave the fight, because You are healing me.  The fog of war has blinded my eyes, so now I listen, I listen for my Savior's voice.  You lead me through the valley of the shadow of death, You are a shield around me.  When I stumble You catch me, and when I'm weak You carry me.  When I cry You comfort me, and I know that I am never alone. 
Psalm 23
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures;  He leads me beside quiet waters.  He restores my soul;  He guies me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for You are with me;  Your rod and Yoru staff, they comfort me.  You have prepared a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows.  Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Monday, July 19, 2004

Wonderings of a sojourner

Church was awesome this week.  Especially considering it had been about a month since I'ld been able to sit in the main service.  I had the opportunity to cover for some of my friends while they were either giving birth to a baby or visiting their family.  That time I spent in Kids Church doing Adventure Bay was awesome.  Nonetheless I really enjoyed being able to worship and listen instead of teach.  This week was really something though.  A couple that had been going to our church a for a number of years then left to go to the mission field with Frontiers were in town and spoke.  It was really exciting to see what God was doing through them and how they are able to support missionaries in muslim nations that are under cover and operating in secret as well as in public.  May the Lord continue to bless their ministry and keep the missionaries they are supporting safe.  At the end pastor Jack asked for anyone who was feeling or has been feeling a call to missions to step up front.  Having already gone to Kenya and now having a heart to return to the field full time, I stepped right up, so did my brother and sister seeing as they'll be leaving in 1 1/2 for Ecuador.  A couple folks prayed for me, Kim our worship leader said that he had a picture in his head of a huge lake, and on it there were 2 boats.  One was a little paper boat with the words "man's way" written across it and the other was a huge ship so big you couldn't see the full length of it and on it were the words "God's way".  He said he saw me sitting in the paper boat trying hard to get across the huge lake.  One of the other guys praying for me said he saw a picture of a giant whirlwind.  I was in the middle of it where it is calm.  He said the whirlwind represented distractions in my life and that the peace or calm was God.  Every now and then the whirlwind would touch me, and he said that this represented me getting distracted.  I've been thinking about those 2 pictures since sunday morning and I'm not sure what to make of it.  I just got denied from working with Mercy Ships due to a Maritime Law technicality.  I see it as God shutting one door and keeping me here for something else.  The question is what?  He has completely changed my heart and given me a passion for missions, and I don't believe He would do such a thing only to deny me this passion.  I feel like a lion at the zoo.  Dangerous, but locked away.  Refusing to except that this is all there is, hoping that I'll be able to roam the jungle once again, believing that God has so much more for me than the so called "American dream".  This is not my dream.  So what does all this mean?  If I'm trying to do it on my own, what is it that I'm trying to do that is wrong?  What is man's way?  What is God's way?  What are these distractions that seem to take my attention for a little while?  Why am I asking so many questions?  Why can't I be at peace where I am at?
Lord reveal things to me.  Part the fog and give me clarity of sight.  Reveal to me the meanings of these pictures you gave Kim and Ron to give to me.  Show me the distractions in my life and help me put them to death, or atleast put the desire in me for them to the sword.  Help me to maintain focus and know what to do.  Should I stick around for 2 years and commit to VLI?  $100/month is a lot.  Should I go to school instead and get my welding certs?  I need Your guidance and direction.  I need Your wisdom too.  Show me Your ways and lead me down Your path.  Give me peace in the midst of confusion.  I love You Lord and will follow You wherever You would lead me.  You are my strength in my weakness.  As Paul said "to live is Christ and to die is gain", just as he felt so do I, death is my friend, but I will follow You until he comes.  So lead me Lord, lead me, even to the ends of the earth.

Friday, July 16, 2004

Video of the week

My bro sent me this one a while ago and I still laugh/cringe when I see it.  I've been having problems getting the sites to link up so you might have to type the page into your address bar, but it's worth checking out.
Funny video

Funny joke

Got this off of ebaums world  Disclaimer-If you do decide to check out the website, some of the material may be inappropriate or offensive.  So use your discretion as to where you venture. 
Quick Joke: A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing. Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."

Old friends

The past month has truly been amazing to say the least.  I've started going to this college group called Vital Impact.  It's at the church/school that I used to go to back in 4th-8th grade called Grace Community Christian School.  After I graduated the 8th grade I went to a public high school whereas most of my friends went to a Christian one.  I would see them every once in a blue moon, but very few of them I would see.   Oddly enough I went to a tuesday night college group gathering/Bible study with my buddy Andre.  Then over the next month  I saw all these guys/gals that I used to go to school with at Grace.  None of them were from my class, but where from Micah, and Luke's classes.  I was amazed at how much they had grown up.  I know I really shouldn't have been, but none the less, after some 8 or 9 years it's just crazy to see that their not the little brothers and sisters of my friends.  By far though the coolest thing is that the ones I'm seeing are really following the Lord.  That is so encouraging.  I was afraid that many of them would rebel and turn their hearts from the Lord, like many pastors kids tend to do.  Many of them have gone on missions trips, are interested in missions, or other ministry areas, some are discipling younger guys/girls.  One of the other great benefits about going to this college group has been that I've made lots of new friends that are in the same boat or same stage of life as I am, whereas it seems that the college group at my church tends to be a little heavy on the married/couples side.  That may not be a bad thing, but it is hard for me to relate to where they're at in life cause I'm not married/engaged.  It's just really exciting to see what God is doing in the lives of a bunch of my old friends, and now a bunch of my new friends.
Lord continue to bless the work you have started at Vital Impact.  You are raising up people there to be Your ambassadors to the nations and to our own nation with an unashamed boldness.  Let us continue to come together as the new testament church did, being of one heart and mind, helping each other, and seeking after you.  Continue to transform our lives and let our lives reflect more and more the image of Your Son.  Continue as well to bless the work You're doing in the hearts and minds of those that go to The Cellar.  Many have recently entered new stages of life and need Your strength, love and, guidance as they live for You first, and theirs spouses second instead of dwelling upon their own needs first.  Be with those in Ireland and give them open minds and hearts.  Give them courage to speak unashamedly about Your saving grace, and also give them ears to hear the words that others might speak.  Pour out Your presence among them, guide them and protect them.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

Video of the week

Better turn up the volume on this one! Type in the following link


These are the lyrics to a song that a friend of mine wrote, and it's the cry of my heart. His name is Joel Bidderman (, the song is called Waiting and it's off his album titled "depravity, grace, and reckless abandon".


This road is dusty
And it's getting to my eyes
So that I can't see where I'm going
Or even the time
But I'll trust in You
Though it feels hurtin' to me
And though I can't see

Job, Abraham and Sarah
We could talk for hours
About wishing that Your timing
Was a little closer to ours
But I'll toast to You
With my rusty heart
And my cup that's full of tears

Lord I'm waiting, I'm waiting
For You to save the day
For You to hold this heart -- (repeat chorus)

Walking for miles, through mud and rain
Looking for the sun to rise
On a field so dry, I cannot feel
It's as if something has died
So I'll wait for You
With my hands tied
So that I can feel the joy of Your touch

And they that wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength
They will mount up with wings as eagles
They will run and not grow weary; they'll walk and not faint
So teach me wait

As I was wondering about why I'm still here in Tempe, AZ., and why I'm not out in the mission field this song came running through my head. I've thought through all the possible reasons that I can think of as to why God has me here and not somewhere else. Maybe I'll meet a great woman of God and get married. Maybe I have heart issues that need to be dealt with. Maybe there are things to learn that I'll need to be more effective abroad. Maybe it's a number of things, maybe it's none of the above reasons and maybe He just wants to teach me patience. I know that God has instilled in my heart the desire, and the longing to give my life over to others in the mission field for a reason. He didn't send me to Kenya for a year, give me a passion for missions and completely change my heart and priorities only to deny me of those things later. All of the maybe's listed above are things that my heart desires. Now if only I can learn to wait on the Lord, so that He can renew my strength, so that He take me in my brokeness and remake me, so that He can teach me how to love, and so that He can heal this wounded soldier and form me into the most lethal of spiritual killing machines.

So Lord I'm waiting, I'm waiting
For You to save the day
For You to hold this heart...

Thanks Joel

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Guidance part 2 If you click the link you will see a rather graphic illustration of the point I made in Guidance part 1. If you haven't read Guidance part 1, then read it, then check out the video. The point I made is that you can never account for all the unknowns in life. The guy in the above video probably never had a clue that his day was really gonna suck. Newton's second law just changed the course of his life if it didn't end it. Ouch!

Dead animal flesh and things that go BOOM!

That's right, it's the 4th of July, or atleast it was. After a very long, sleepless in Phoenix weekend, I finally was going to have a good time. My bro Micah and his wife Chrissy invited me and and 2 buddies over to watch fireworks on their roof. Central Christian was only a mile away and was having a big display. I invited my buddy Mike (who used to go worship with a large group of us at the lake every sunday) and his girlfriend Christine. Andre and I had to run back to the house to get the grill cause I forgot it. See what lack of sleep can do to a guy. Anyway, when we got back to Micah and Chrissy's, we found that Ducky was there and Mike and Christine were right behind us. We fired up the grill, tossed some dead cow on it and some dead pig ribs that were slathered in BBQ sauce. Mmm, dead animal flesh. Now, the 4th wouldn't be complete without fireworks. Fortunately Micah still had a huge pack of bottle rockets. This is were things got interesting. We decided to tape a bunch of them together. The funny thing is that the fuses don't burn at the same speed. This caused quite a ruckus as about 15 bottle rockets started bouncing off the wall, roof, and yard while spraying sparks everywhere, then finally ending in a bang. Unfortunately one of the rather large sparks found its way onto the swing cushion and started burning a hole in it. Me, being the bright fire fighter that I am, tried to smash the burning little hole between the two fingers of my left hand. The problem was that I was holding a beer in my left hand, which ended up all over the cushion. The only thing we learned was that we needed to do it bigger and better. After the food was finished we ate in haste knowing that the fireworks would begin soon. As we all scrambled up onto the roof, you could hear the loud cheers and yells of other neighbors as they lit off fireworks from their roof. Not to be out done, we started launching dozens of bottle rockets at them. Ah the good times. Unfortunately I had to work the next day so my night stayed young. Hope everyone else had a kickin Independence day, and I also hope none of you were unlucky enough to find a stray bullet falling from the sky.

Saturday, July 03, 2004

Cowboy up you wussy

What was Adam's main sin? Was it that he took a bite of the forbidden fruit or was it greater than that? If you read the account of Genesis 3 maybe you'll agree with me that if he wasn't a spineless pushover that the world would be a different place today. We all know that the serpent tempted Eve and that she gave the fruit to Adam. However, I want to take a look at Eve's heart in this issue. I believe that Genesis 3:6 gives us a look into the error of her ways which is a common characteristic found in the daughters of Eve even to this day. Verse 6 says that "When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate it; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate it". The first part shows us that Eve was already rationalizing to herself why the fruit would be good, but the part that really stood out to me was that it was a delight to the eyes. We find this to be something that is inherent in women ever since then. Not only do they want things that are delightful to the eyes, but moreover they want to be a delight unto the eyes. Now let's look at the second part of verse 6. Adam, hmm, where was he? HE WAS RIGHT BESIDE HER!!! God told him NOT TO EAT of the the fruit of that tree. It is safe to assume that because Adam and Eve where always together that Adam also told Eve this, but for the sake of quetioning this, I propose that Adam didn't tell Eve. So here the two of them are at the tree, Eve's having a flirty little chat with the ssseductive little serpent and as Satan convinces her to eat of this fruit what does Adam do? Does he take a stand and tell her what God said not to do? Does he rescue his fair maiden from the hands of the evil one? NO!! The coward stands right beside her and let's her eat the fruit. Even worse, when she has some and gives it to him, he's so stricken with her beauty and her words, that he, the spineless fool that he is eats some as well. And now Pandora's box is wide open. God now steps into the scene and curses the serpent, the woman, and the man. The woman gets pain in child birth, but even worse is that she passes these traits to her daughters. They now seek to seduce the hearts and eyes of men with their looks and feminine ways, they devise to have control in the household, and they desire things of beauty. The man, the stupid fool that he is had the God given power and ability to change the course of history, but he made the wrong decision and now we'll never know what road God may have taken us down. The man would have to work hard for everything he needs. The sweat, blood and tears would be poured out onto the earth and all it would render would be thorns and thistles. The man would be susceptible to the seductions of the woman because he listened to her instead of listenening to God. He would constantly be in a power struggle for control of the household, but the worst is that his sons would have the suffer the same shame of being a spineless coward that he did. Men from that day forth, would struggle at doing the right thing at the right time. When faced with a challenge they would show their weakness and often cave in. Case in point, Abraham, Sarah, and Pharaoh. David and Bathsheba, the divorce rate today because of unfaithfullness. If Adam as the first man would have stepped up and been a man, then we would be living in a very different world today. Eve wouldn't have eaten the fruit cause Adam would have taken control of the situation.

All this came to mind because last night Andre and I where hanging out with some friends from the Grace Community College group. We went to play whiffle ball at Tempe town lake, but they closed it up on us for the 4th. The whole lot of us guys then met up with 2 girls from the college group and went to mill. They said they were going to do steet witnessing. I really didn't feel like doing this. My heart wasn't ready nor in the right place. That bothered me all night. The Bible says to be ready in and out of season. We're not called to be Christians when we feel like it, or when our hearts are in the right place. We're to be ready to answer any questions people may have. The thing that bothered me was that just like men past, instead of sticking it out when it was uncomfortable and something I really didn't want to do, the spineless coward reared his ugly head and we went to grab some grub instead. I thought about it some more last night. I've never been the type of person to go looking for opportunity necessarily, I'm more the type that goes about life and when opportunity knocks, I answer. So street witnessing really doesn't seem to fit with my personality, whereas taking the chance to talk to someone you run into and steering the conversation towards talking about God is more the way I operate. That kind of seems like a copout though. I'm very unsettled about this....

Friday, July 02, 2004

regret of a fire fighter

Innocence lost, cannot be regained

Thursday, July 01, 2004


Something I've noticed while reflecting upon my life is how and where God has intervened in my life. To me it is clear that it is God who is intervening at certain times to move me in one direction or another. I've been checking PM's blog ( and there is a guy on there that you cannot convince no matter how obvious the evidence that 1. there is a God, and 2. that He loves us and is righteous and just. It is an ignorant, arrogant person who honestly believes that he/she goes through life living on their own strength. That they are in control of their own fates. If you stop to think about it, there are so many unknown variables to account for. When you drive or walk down the street your life is at the mercy of many unknowns. You don't know what will happen in the future, all you can do is make decisions based on what you think could happen and play them out. I believe it's Newtons 2nd law that states "An object at rest stays at rest unless acted upon by another object, and an object in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by another object". Our lives are these moving objects. They move in the general direction that we choose until they are acted upon by another object. These other objects are called tools and are wielded expertly by the hand of God. Whether good or bad, He uses them to change the direction in which our lives are heading. Just like when a baseball is flying towards the catchers glove, in an instant the bat hits it and changes its course. Many people would call it fate. I believe that they are intentionally denying the fact that it is God not fate that does this because then they would have to own up to everything they've done and acknowledge that they are not in control.

Lord, today I acknowledge that You are in control. I cannot recall the number of times when You have intervened in my life and used one of these tools to change my heart or my course in life. I know that everything I have has come from Your hand, and that even though many of the things I've gone through haven't been the best of experiences, you've used everything to make me more like You and to bring glory to your Son. Continue to to intervene in my life and change my course when I go wrong or I seem to be stumbling in the dark. Hold my hand and guide my steps.

Prov. 21:1-2 The king's heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord" He turns it wherever He wishes. Every man's way is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the the hearts.

Prov. 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.