Saturday, June 11, 2005

Ready for some change

Man it's been along time since I've been on this thing. I'd be suprised if anyone even checked it anymore.

I sure have been restless these past couple of weeks. Wrestling with time management, trying to be content in God's waiting place that I find myself in. Trying to give time to things that will benefit me now somewhat, but even more so down the road, while recognizing that I'm 23, single, and still involved in a lot of college stuff wanting to build relationships with other folks and still go out and do stuff. It seems that when I tell my close friends about this they always counsel towards the prior, but they all happen to be married with atleast one kid. They were where I was once, but they don't think the same way anymore so it's going to be harder for them to understand where I'm coming from. Gets kind of frustrating when people insinuate that what you enjoy doing is what you shouldn't be doing, regardless of why you do it.

Another opportunity has opened up before me. Possibly a chance to go help start up another branch of Reachout Expeditions which would be in Boise, ID and would reach out to trouble teens through relational engagement in a place where they can expereince God away from the distractions of daily life (to take a quote from their web page). Climbing, rafting, backpacking, etc. are just a few of the means by which they do this. I've already told my close friend and his wife about it. Really I'm looking for a small group of people who's hearts are missionaly geared and would be down for travelling together as a small community going wherever God would lead us, teaching, preaching, and discipling with the blessing and empowerment of the Holy Spirit. This maybe an opportunity to use VLI as soon as I finish and also do some extra training at the Boise Vineyard as well.

Also trying to feel out a relationship I've sort of developed with a girl that I climb with. Hoping that I'm not reading into things, getting excited about what I see God doing in her, wanting to know more about her, and to what extent she's willing to give up her life for the sake of Christ. To wait, or move on.

I've felt for a long time that I've been unready for these types of relationships or big changes, but now I'm ready to see how ready I am. I'm ready to pursue relationships with people who will build me up as we go to pour our lives out on the nations, and who I can build up, teach, and learn from in the process.

God I praise you for your patience with me, for your mercy and compassion as you look down and see your child wanting to grow up so quickly and be like his Daddy, when there is so much more to learn and understand, and so much more to unlearn and be rid of. Still I remind you of your promises to your servant Abraham that continue through the True Israel, and are promises to me, I ask you to fulfill those in my life, as well as the prophecies that you have given me. May I find your Shalom in my life, and be a well of living water in the center of the storm of life for those who need to know you and are seeking that which you have so graciously given me. Your Holy Spirit, adoption into your family, hope, meaning, true life, and a mission to accomplish. Please, I beg of you, reveal to me the way I should go. Don't let my feet go to the right or the left, but be found walking out your will for my life. Be my guide oh God of my fathers. Go out before me, or cut me down where I stand and return this flesh to the earth from where it came and my spirit take home to be with you. Let me bask in your presence, and teach me to yada' you Lord. It is not enough for me to just know you. Lord help me make some sense of what's going on in life, and give me the wisdom to make wise decisions, and the courage to do what needs to be done despite the difficulty of the task. I need you in my life, deep inside, beyond the fusion of bone and marrow, but to where spirit and spirit are one. I need your mind, your heart, and the passion that drove you to die for me.