Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Therapy in Writing

It's so nice to be able to type something out and release what you feel and think, then be able to have the wisdom to know that it is good to get off your chest, but not good to share with the world.

I've really been thinking a lot about the sovereignty of God lately. How He commands everything and how He has orchestrated all of history, using man's decisions both good and bad to accomplish His perfect will. How he provides for the birds of the sky and clothes the flowers of the field, and yet sometimes I wonder if He will provide for what I need. That is a dangerous place to be.

Adam and Eve were when the questioned God's goodness and thought that God was holding out on them. God knew what was best, but let them make their own decisions and 7000 yrs of humanity has paid the price for their sin.

Therefore, though I know what I desire, I do not know if it is good for me or not. Or if I am good for the object of my desire. God ultimately knows what is good for me and His plans are trustworthy. Prov. 16:9 says "The mind of a man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps." Also in Rom. 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose." These verses are comforting above all things. To know that God is working out my future despite my plans, dreams, and hopes is very encouraging.

I was watching a Nooma (www.nooma.com) DVD where Rob Bell tells the story of how him and his wife were going to look for a kickball for their son. At the mall there was a kiosk that sold these rubber balls that were on an elastic band with a loop on one end for your wrist to go in. Rob put it on threw the ball and tried to catch it but it hit him in the face. His son instantly wanted one, but his parents knew better. The toy may have been good for a while, but they knew what was best. His son wasn't very happy as they picked him up and carried him away. They went to a sporting goods store across the street to continue their search for a kickball and found a whole wall of them in all different colors. Rob told his son he could have any kickball he wanted.

Sometimes I'm like Rob's little boy. I want something bad, it looks like fun, but God knows that it'll probably smack me in the face and then I'll not want it anymore. How often has He had to pick me up kicking and screaming, take me across the street and show me that He had something so much better in mind for me.

As I'm walking through life, I constantly find myself in situations where I have to stop and think, is this the best God has for me, or am I settling for second best? Is this the job that I should be at? Should I be working harder to move into full time missions trusting that the seizure stuff will be taken care of? Should I stop investing so much of myself into a relationship that may never go where I'd like it to? Should I continue investing at work trusting that God will open up the door when the time is right and continue to pour myself into this relationship trusting that God will work things out and that loving somebody selflessly will always produce good fruit, even if it's not harvested by you.

Lord I don't pretend to know why I am where I am, and how to make sense of all the ups and downs in my life. What I do know is that You are constant and unchanging. You never fail me, though the world should crash down all around me, still You will be there. Forgive me for taking my focus off of you and putting so much attention on things that should be second not first. Teach me to live my life as is depicted in the song Keith Green so eloquently sung when he pledged himself, his wife and his son to the Gospel. Give me a heart that seeks diligently after you and is heart after Yours.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Beautiful!

AYBFMa

Sojourner said...

I think we can all relate to this post...I know in my life the Lord shows me that the things I chase after are always rocks compared to the diamonds He has set aside just for me if I would be patient. What beautiful plans He has for each of us in His time.

Thank You, Father, we love You and pray for contentment as we await Your return, trusting that You work all things for our good, that You will bring all our needs as they arise and that our desires will be taken care of in Your timing. Thank You for these promises and Your faithfulness.

Anonymous said...

good stuff David...I definately know that I can relate to it! Here's some awesome Scriptures that encourage me every time!
Luke 12:30,31-(paraphrase)our Father knows what we need, and as we are seeking His Kingdom, he will take care of our needs!
Psalm 84:11- NO good thing will he withhold from those who walk uprightly!
Psa 34:9 and 10- fear the Lord, you who saints, there is no want to those who fear him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger, but those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing!
James 1:17-Every good and perfect gift is from above!
These Scriptures remind me of the importance of seeking his Kingdom and waiting for His best in everything! and the fact is, his gifts will always be perfect, not lacking, and with no extra headaches that our "self acquired perfect plans" will include!
see ya David, mel

Luke said...

Right on Bro! Love you man! Forrizzle.

DrLeah said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DrLeah said...

I know you know David, that God didn't make a mistake when He made you the way he did. You're right all things work together for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose. He didn't give you something to hinder you. He uses the things that the world sees as weak to shame the "wise." He does have a purpose and a plan for you, it's just might not look like anything you know. I just wanted to encourage you and tell you I love you as a brother! Oh hey, I had a dream last night that you and Luke came out to visit me (in a really big red truck?) sounds good to me :)

David Killough said...

A big red truck. Well the closest we can get to that is a fire truck. I think it's prophetic in that we're going to come rescue you from california (cause it's going to fall into the ocean you know) and take you back to AZ. ;)
Speaking of trucks I sold my Scout and bought a Tacoma. I'll blog soon on that miracle.

Luke said...

I like firetrucks..., but lets not wish that anything happens to Cali...lots of people who still need Jesus. I like your dream leah...I want it to be reality.

Anonymous said...

hey David....will you let me know when your church is doing one of those awesome worship nights!! I know one just passed and I don't know how often they are...but I really wanna go again...I went I think the time before....and it was sooo awesome!! so yea....thanks...... -melody

David Killough said...

will do

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Shay said...

Hey, Paul told me about your blog so I thought I'd visit. Hope it's okay? :) I agree with this. I sure wouldn't want to have to trust myself with the future. God definitely has plans that are way better than our's even if it doesn't seem like it at this time.

David Killough said...

You're welcome to come and post anytime Shannon.