Backpacking trip to Granite Mtn.

Last saturday we had a great time up in Prescott backpacking up Granite Mtn. It was a little hot for the first half of the hike, but started to cool off once we passed the tree line. Up at the top myself and my 2 friends Justin and Jen took pictures and relaxed.

We weren't up there long when the lightning and rain started coming down hard. The 3 of us ducked under a huge boulder that had fallen onto 2 others, but made plenty of shelter for the 3 of us. The rain and hail lasted about 45 min., but made for a fun trip and a cool story. Unfortunately my 4 other friends got caught 3/4 up the mountain in the storm and couldn't find much cover. Here are some great pics of Justin, Jen and myself goofing around and passing the time in the storm.

http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLandingSignin.jsp?Uc=677dtkb.38ghtvkj&Uy=z9dcqe&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0

Love and Talk

A saying I've said frequently is that people will talk about the things they love more than anything else. Whether this is a David Killough original or I heard it somewhere I don't know. What I do know is that it is incredibly hard to not talk about something or someone you love.

Recently I experienced this first hand and it made me physically sick. It's so much easier to do what what would make one's self feel better, but to operate in someone else's best interest and put yourself aside is very hard.

Jesus said that "Greater love has no man than he would lay down his life for another". Now Christ was referring to Himself in this passage and was forshadowing what would happen to Him. However I disagree with a common interpretation of this text that dying for someone is what Jesus is talking about. I think that's only part of it. To live for someone, and not for yourself is far more difficult. That's what Jesus did, and what I've recently learned is very hard to do. Nonetheless, this is something I want to do.

To invest in someone knowing that there may be no short term benefits, but in the end, you may have a very good friend who you can love and trust.

So I will hold fast to this difficult path I've chosen and continue to invest myself into another and be a friend.
However I cannot do this alone. It almost tore me to pieces a day or so ago. Lord I need Your help. Please give me wisdom in abundance and help me to be more like You in everything I say and do. Give me perspective through the people you've placed in my life and help me to not operate out of my own self interest. I love You Jesus, guide me and lead me.

Wisdom?

Well, for the first time ever I've deleted a post. That seems almost heretical to do such a thing, but people far wiser than I thought it unwise to post what I did. Because I have a lack of perspective, I thought it best to trust those who can are distanced from the situation and can see much more clearly than I.

How can I know if what has happened or is happening is good or not? If the outcome is favorable in my sight, is that really good or bad? Things are not always what they seem. An apparent blessing could actually lead to a curse, and a curse could lead to a blessing. How do I know if these things are good or not???

Perhaps in seeking God first and seeking His will I will know.

Guess my blog is ready for some change

So what's the big news in my life? Climbing, ministry through climbing and outdoor stuff, reaching out to international students with my buddy Mike Jacobson by way of a really awesome girl that I've had the privilege of getting to know. Who knows what the future may hold? It's in God's hands and His perfect will, will be accomplished in His perfect time.

I'll post more later. Later could be relative though.

Ready for some change

Man it's been along time since I've been on this thing. I'd be suprised if anyone even checked it anymore.

I sure have been restless these past couple of weeks. Wrestling with time management, trying to be content in God's waiting place that I find myself in. Trying to give time to things that will benefit me now somewhat, but even more so down the road, while recognizing that I'm 23, single, and still involved in a lot of college stuff wanting to build relationships with other folks and still go out and do stuff. It seems that when I tell my close friends about this they always counsel towards the prior, but they all happen to be married with atleast one kid. They were where I was once, but they don't think the same way anymore so it's going to be harder for them to understand where I'm coming from. Gets kind of frustrating when people insinuate that what you enjoy doing is what you shouldn't be doing, regardless of why you do it.

Another opportunity has opened up before me. Possibly a chance to go help start up another branch of Reachout Expeditions www.yd.org which would be in Boise, ID and would reach out to trouble teens through relational engagement in a place where they can expereince God away from the distractions of daily life (to take a quote from their web page). Climbing, rafting, backpacking, etc. are just a few of the means by which they do this. I've already told my close friend and his wife about it. Really I'm looking for a small group of people who's hearts are missionaly geared and would be down for travelling together as a small community going wherever God would lead us, teaching, preaching, and discipling with the blessing and empowerment of the Holy Spirit. This maybe an opportunity to use VLI as soon as I finish and also do some extra training at the Boise Vineyard as well.

Also trying to feel out a relationship I've sort of developed with a girl that I climb with. Hoping that I'm not reading into things, getting excited about what I see God doing in her, wanting to know more about her, and to what extent she's willing to give up her life for the sake of Christ. To wait, or move on.

I've felt for a long time that I've been unready for these types of relationships or big changes, but now I'm ready to see how ready I am. I'm ready to pursue relationships with people who will build me up as we go to pour our lives out on the nations, and who I can build up, teach, and learn from in the process.

God I praise you for your patience with me, for your mercy and compassion as you look down and see your child wanting to grow up so quickly and be like his Daddy, when there is so much more to learn and understand, and so much more to unlearn and be rid of. Still I remind you of your promises to your servant Abraham that continue through the True Israel, and are promises to me, I ask you to fulfill those in my life, as well as the prophecies that you have given me. May I find your Shalom in my life, and be a well of living water in the center of the storm of life for those who need to know you and are seeking that which you have so graciously given me. Your Holy Spirit, adoption into your family, hope, meaning, true life, and a mission to accomplish. Please, I beg of you, reveal to me the way I should go. Don't let my feet go to the right or the left, but be found walking out your will for my life. Be my guide oh God of my fathers. Go out before me, or cut me down where I stand and return this flesh to the earth from where it came and my spirit take home to be with you. Let me bask in your presence, and teach me to yada' you Lord. It is not enough for me to just know you. Lord help me make some sense of what's going on in life, and give me the wisdom to make wise decisions, and the courage to do what needs to be done despite the difficulty of the task. I need you in my life, deep inside, beyond the fusion of bone and marrow, but to where spirit and spirit are one. I need your mind, your heart, and the passion that drove you to die for me.

Busy, busy, busy

I don't know that I've ever been so busy in my life. It seems that free time is something that I have to make now rather than I have by default. These past two months have been something else. I've seen 2 of my closest friends get married, been in both their weddings, planned both of their bach. parties, changed jobs/careers, dealt with med. ins. company frustrations, dental stuff, working on my truck stuff, looking for a new truck stuff, VLI stuff, lots of hours at work stuff, planning a leadership event, going to a leadership conference, home group, Kid's church stuff, and lots of other stuff.

The above is not a life, but a tornado going round and round whipping me in every direction trying to pull me apart. Trying to maintain some semblance of a life and making time for friends, family and the building of relationships while accomplishing all the other things is impossible. Much of the stuff has come and gone, but more is always there to replace it. I am so ready for Shalom to be over my life. My knees and feet are hurting, head splitting, painful bowel movements, still with epilepsy, dropping pills like any 23 yr. old guy would. This is normal right? To be dependant on drugs to keep me "normal".

I'm ready to be done with it all, and people wonder why no matter how I die, I will die happy, and why I say the sooner the better. Sometimes I feel like Job, wallowing in self pity, woe is me, life sucks, but then I take a step back and pull off the negative lensed shades that sometimes cover my eyes. I look around at what God has done for me. What He is doing in me now, and what He has told me He is going to do and where He is taking me. I learn the lesson of perspective from Job that even though some areas of life seem rather troublesome and painful, God has His mighty hands in those areas, and like it or not He will use them for His glory. Whether it's to demonstrate His awesome power as I'm healed, or to demonstrate His incredible grace as He gives me everything I need to face life and the situations/problems that are in front of me or that I'm currently in. When all is said and done I can say one thing and one thing alone. Though He gives and takes away, my heart will choose to say blessed be the name of the Lord.

I look forward to what you have for me, and the adventure that lies ahead. Please heal my body, and give me Shalom over my entire life.

Blessings of God

What a day. Went down to the doc's office and picked up a prescription for 3 months of depakote (seizure meds), and the kind lady gave me some samples to get me by until the meds come in. This means that I won't need COBRA and will save the money that I would have spent. This is awesome! My dad went with me to cosign on a loan to buy a 4 dr. Tacoma TRD, but we won't find out until probably tomorrow whether or not it will go through. I believe it will, but we'll wait and see. So my dad and I went to go grab some Rubio's before the extremely awesome Worship Gathering (http://www.worshipgathering.com/) that just ended. While I was parking this guy comes up and starts going off on how cool my Scout is. Asks a bunch of questions which I was of course more than willing to answer, and asked if I'd sell it. I said it was for sale and told him how much. He was stoked, asked for my number and said he'd call me. Now I don't put a lot of stock in words, but I haven't even been advertising, and he asked me if I would sell it, I didn't tell him. Lord help him to buy it. =)

The worship gathering was awesome. I can't even begin to think of other words to describe it. I was singing and enjoying worship and then when they did a song I knew differently I was caught going through the motions. There was a short break where there normally wouldn't have been and my hands went up and my heart went down. I was crushed, stripped bare realizing that my song was from the flesh and was not in Spirit and in Truth. I was being fake. Broken I closed my eyes, sealed my lips, put forth my hands, prayed and waited. I cryed and asked God for forgiveness. I could not open my mouth to sing anymore until it was from my spirit to His, and it was in Truth, and not a product of memory. I waited and prayed. Kathy Lott taught us how to sing a simple song in sign. That was the ticket. I broke down as I signed this song and sealed my lips. I wrote on the wall what the Lord was saying to me then wrote my prayer to Him. The rest of then night I worshiped Him with such fervor and joy. Aah, it was incredible.

Lord thank you for showing me this. Continue to show me these things that are hidden in my heart. Reveal the things in me that are not of You, and destroy them. Make me like You, let me live and worship in Spirit and in Truth.

The Beginning of the End

I turned in my 2 weeks this morning. I've been praying that God would be there and would speak through me. I prayed and sang on the way to work today, ushering in the presence of God. The first thing I did after clocking in was talk to my boss. The news came out in a way that seemed as if it was well thought out, though it was all spur of the moment. My boss took it well. He asked if there was a bidding war and if there was that he would out bid ACE. I told him there wasn't, then gave him my three main reasons for leaving.

1. ACE offers advancement opportunities that will teach me more cool new things, help me grow, and provide for me better financially.

2. The immediate and hopefully future financial gains will allow me to put away money for missions, save money to buy a house, and give me the financial support necessary to support a family when the time comes.

3. The end that I believe God has called me to (missions) seems best accomplished by the means of employment at ACE Asphalt. I've seen God's hand on Paul and Robert and I have no doubt that it is also on the company in part because the founder is a God fearing man who is aggressively advancing the Kingdom of God throughout the world.

The day went well after that. I worked hard, efficiently and I felt the Spirit on me. Despite my left foot hurting, I had some bounce in my step.

It will be nice to give my body a physical rest and to treat my ears, eyes, lungs, feet, and everything else much better. Now I've got to devise a way to stay in shape while sitting at a desk. I think a climbing membership is in order.

Blessings, a New beginning, and an End

Recently Paul and Robert have been clueing me in on a job at ACE that they both thought that I would be good at. At first I was unsure because I felt a loyalty to the company I work for, I knew that they needed me, and would do almost anything to keep me. They had taken care of me, and given me two raises one for each review. On the other hand I saw what God has done through Paul and Robert and how He's blessed them there and suddenly I felt like a dog with 2 bones. I was quite content with the bone I had, it was good and treated me well. But suddenly a bigger, better bone showed up and I started wanting that one. I wasn't content anymore with the bone I had. I began to think too much about the other bone and my work began to suffer. My boss even noticed it and asked if I was okay. I had to put an end to it right there. Called close friends and talked to family and had them pray for me. So I went to ACE interviewed with Robert and we decided that until God gave both of us peace about the issue, that we should wait. With people still praying, I thought about it more and more, and asked God to speak clearly. Clearly isn't what I got, but I did began to think in terms of what I believe God's future is for me and how I should go about accomplishing it. ACE seemed the clear choice for better provision financially, less stress on my body (foot is beginning to hurt again), more chances to move up and around, and a chance to learn lots of new stuff on the other side of what I'm used to doing.

So Robert called me today and said that they would like to bring me aboard. When I pass the drug test, ACE asphalt will become my new employer. Now the hard part. Breaking ties with current employer. I like my boss and some of the people at PW Athletic. They are coming into the busy season quickly and my leaving will really put them into a fix. None the less, I know what needs to be done, and I feel with more certainty now that God has provided this job at ACE asphalt for me so that I can give my body rest, so I can save money for missions, a house, and maybe even a family. None of these are possible at PW. It will be hard to tell my boss, but I'm sure he will understand. Many of the others won't. I hope they do. I know for certain that Wayne (owner) will. He's a Christian and will understand that the end goal justifies the means. He knows that missions and the aggressive advancement of God's kingdom is my heart and that I'll do what needs to be done in order to see those things accomplished.

Lord give me wisdom as I talk with Bobby and Wayne. Help them all to understand. I pray that You'll provide them with some more good employees who'll learn quickly and work hard so that the stress of the busy season won't be so great. Please put Your words in my mouth as I turn in my 2 weeks. I know it will be hard for me to say and them to hear, but please be in our midst and give them understanding. Help me be a blessing to ACE and to work hard as unto You. Help me to learn quickly, and never tire from doing what seems so foreign to me as I spend 40 hrs. a week behind a computer. May Your hand guide and direct me, Your mouth speak through me, and Your Spirit be with me. Lord bless Your servant as I walk out my life in humble obediance the best I knows how. Teach me Your word that I may obey, give me an undivided heart that I may love and serve only You. Let me see through Your eyes, though I should never see again. Let me hear through Your ears though I should spend my days deaf. Let my hands heal the broken, weary, and sick, though they should never function right again. Let me feel Your presence though I should never feel again. Lord let me continually live in Your Spirit, though I should never live again. Kill me.

See, Justin likes the crack too 

Something you won't see very often, me digging into some serious crack. 

Me digging for crack 

Me digging for chalk  

Sean going for the big jump 

Rock climbing pics of Shawn going for the big jump up, Dustin looking for his next move and me digging for chalk 

Me climbing a 5.10A 

Wonder if he'd want his feeding tube removed?  

Prayers Answered

The Joy of the LORD is my strength. When I am doing the work of the kingdom, I am living as I was meant to live. Life flows through my veins, my heart beats again, I breathe as though I had never breathed before, my mouth is not my own but a well spring of living water for the nations.

In my previous post I had asked God to give me opportunities at work and to make me more like him. I am humbled by how quickly He has opened my eyes, given me patience, love, and strength. Opportunities that were either not there before or merely unnoticed are now there in abundance. I've been blessed by God to tell people about Jesus and how He has changed me.

I was working with some mexican friends and they said that 5 yrs. from now I would see them walking and think "Pinche Mexicano". I told them that this would not be possible for me. He replied with "people change". I agreed, but then went on to tell him as we worked how when Jesus lives in you, and you realize who you are and who He is and what He has done for you and the world, that it is almost impossible to look at someone that way again. To say or think that would mean that I would be saying that about the very person who's image they are created in. That God should overlook them because they're not worthy but I somehow am. This thinking reeks of pride and will quickly lead to a severe humbling.

I've been giving my food and tools out freely not getting upset when people take things, realizing that God has blessed me soo much and that I am merely to be a channel through which He blesses other people. He has given me the life I have so that I may take this life and bless the nations. God is fulfilling the Abrahamic covenant through me this very moment. Guys I used to have little patience for, I'm now going out of my way to help. God is refining me.

God, I beg of You not to stop. Let me be as the woman who spent her life savings anointing your head with the perfume in the alabaster container. I know that as I treat others I treat You, let my life be the perfume that is poured out on those loved ones you died for who so desperately need the joy and hope that comes from knowing You. You were the great alabaster container and you broke yourself open to pour yourself out on the world so that as you died we would not have to. You've called me to love as You did, and to live as You did. To run the great race doing what You have planned for me. Give me the strength to continually say yes to You. Give me the grace to make it through the hardest time, I know the cost of following You. So break this clay jar open that the nations may come to know You.

Blessings

I've been really short on time with VLI and other ministry related things taking it all up. Been a while since I've blogged. Work has been really tough the past couple of months. I've been extremely critical of myself, my work, efficiency of my work, and how my review is going to go. Anxiety was crushing me in its iron fist. I brought it up at home group last week (which is going well) and everybody prayed for me regarding those things. The week following I spent a lot of time thinking and praying while at work. I eventually came to the conclusion that my future was in God's hands and that His view of my life is from an end time perspective. He sees the end first then the beginning. I reasoned then that whether things go good or bad in my eyes and the eyes of this world, that it didn't matter. He would accomplish through me the plans that He made for me (Eph. 2:10) regardless of what happened at work and would likely use my work situation as a way to show me where I am to be. I once again feel the joy of the Lord, and find myself singing His praises all day long in the midst of blaring secular radio and loud machinery. My boss told me during the review that he wanted me to give him a couple year's notice before I went on my "mission" (he's mormon). As I walked out, it struck me that I was on my mission. I wish that it would have struck me sooner. Would have thrown him for a loop.

Lord thank you for placing me where you have. You've blessed me with a fine job, good employers, and good pay. You've given me favor unending and undeserved. Change my heart so that I can be a better reflection of you to the guys I work around. Give me moments where I can quickly plant and or water seeds in their lives without neglecting my work. Open the eyes and ears of my co-workers and soften their hearts to hear your words. Heal the many injuries that have occurred to the guys there. Also be with the Pinner family as Obie's dad is in the hospital. May any injuries he sustains be minimal and heal quickly.

LUKE IS HOME!!!

My bro is home, WooHoo!!!! This kicks all kinds of things. I am Super Stoked. Also got my AR10 seriously tricked out. It is looking sweet, I just hope I can do with it what I want, cost me enough.

More will come, going to my folks house to crush Luke with a hug.

p.s. Enjoy life and time with family, you'll never know how much you'll miss it when it's gone.