Wonderings of a sojourner

Church was awesome this week.  Especially considering it had been about a month since I'ld been able to sit in the main service.  I had the opportunity to cover for some of my friends while they were either giving birth to a baby or visiting their family.  That time I spent in Kids Church doing Adventure Bay was awesome.  Nonetheless I really enjoyed being able to worship and listen instead of teach.  This week was really something though.  A couple that had been going to our church a for a number of years then left to go to the mission field with Frontiers were in town and spoke.  It was really exciting to see what God was doing through them and how they are able to support missionaries in muslim nations that are under cover and operating in secret as well as in public.  May the Lord continue to bless their ministry and keep the missionaries they are supporting safe.  At the end pastor Jack asked for anyone who was feeling or has been feeling a call to missions to step up front.  Having already gone to Kenya and now having a heart to return to the field full time, I stepped right up, so did my brother and sister seeing as they'll be leaving in 1 1/2 for Ecuador.  A couple folks prayed for me, Kim our worship leader said that he had a picture in his head of a huge lake, and on it there were 2 boats.  One was a little paper boat with the words "man's way" written across it and the other was a huge ship so big you couldn't see the full length of it and on it were the words "God's way".  He said he saw me sitting in the paper boat trying hard to get across the huge lake.  One of the other guys praying for me said he saw a picture of a giant whirlwind.  I was in the middle of it where it is calm.  He said the whirlwind represented distractions in my life and that the peace or calm was God.  Every now and then the whirlwind would touch me, and he said that this represented me getting distracted.  I've been thinking about those 2 pictures since sunday morning and I'm not sure what to make of it.  I just got denied from working with Mercy Ships due to a Maritime Law technicality.  I see it as God shutting one door and keeping me here for something else.  The question is what?  He has completely changed my heart and given me a passion for missions, and I don't believe He would do such a thing only to deny me this passion.  I feel like a lion at the zoo.  Dangerous, but locked away.  Refusing to except that this is all there is, hoping that I'll be able to roam the jungle once again, believing that God has so much more for me than the so called "American dream".  This is not my dream.  So what does all this mean?  If I'm trying to do it on my own, what is it that I'm trying to do that is wrong?  What is man's way?  What is God's way?  What are these distractions that seem to take my attention for a little while?  Why am I asking so many questions?  Why can't I be at peace where I am at?
 
Lord reveal things to me.  Part the fog and give me clarity of sight.  Reveal to me the meanings of these pictures you gave Kim and Ron to give to me.  Show me the distractions in my life and help me put them to death, or atleast put the desire in me for them to the sword.  Help me to maintain focus and know what to do.  Should I stick around for 2 years and commit to VLI?  $100/month is a lot.  Should I go to school instead and get my welding certs?  I need Your guidance and direction.  I need Your wisdom too.  Show me Your ways and lead me down Your path.  Give me peace in the midst of confusion.  I love You Lord and will follow You wherever You would lead me.  You are my strength in my weakness.  As Paul said "to live is Christ and to die is gain", just as he felt so do I, death is my friend, but I will follow You until he comes.  So lead me Lord, lead me, even to the ends of the earth.